Ep. 5 - What You're Really Seeking: On Finding True Fulfillment

What's the fix to the void? You know, the one that we try to fill with temporary highs like distractions and external validation? Let's explore how to find a better fix. In today's solocast we deep dive into the how of living open heartedly and connecting in with an absolute source of fulfillment.



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Transcript

Welcome to the give yourself permission podcast! I am so excited to take this journey with you. In this show we'll share how to evolve as a spiritual being while remaining human. We'll learn powerful tools and methods to rewire the brain heal energy blocks tap into our intuition and be your own healers. We'll bring on experts in the field to answer the questions that keep us up at night and I'll be adding plenty of solo casts so I can share what's worked based on personal experience, all while learning how to write our own permission slip to find our innate wholeness and create a life that's in alignment with our souls expression. So what are we waiting for? Let's get started!

So last night i had an epiphany and maybe epiphany is a strong word so let's call it i had a remembering and to talk about this remembering i first have to go back and walk you through what happened when i was 11 years old and i had this heart opening i had this moment of a physical heart opening right pure love all of a sudden overwhelmed me and the center of my heart my heart chakra the only thing i can really describe it as is it exploded into a feeling of love and bliss and just such joy and that probably the highest feeling absolutely the highest feeling i've ever felt in my life this began my spiritual journey the feeling inside of me lasted for a few months and then it slowly started to dwindle away and i would argue to say that that is the feeling that i have been trying to get back to since it's been quite a few years since i was 11. um but all of my spiritual practices have started to lead me back to that path or that space of openheartedness so what is openhearted living we are spiritual beings and from a spiritual perspective it's easy to live in our heart when we develop these heart-based feelings and emotions compassion gratitude appreciation love and as a human living in our human bodies it's also very easy to disconnect from that heart space when we draw up lower emotions like fear being overwhelmed judgment towards yourself or judgment towards others questioning right how many times are we in question of our existence or our purpose uh or the entirety of why we are here operating on on this earth in this earth plane what is the reason what is the point and while all of these emotions are meant to be explored and are completely part of the journey of course we should question they also can lead to a feeling of disconnection and if we stay in that place for too long we might forget what it feels like to live in our heart to live from our heart so that's where this story and this download comes in so last night i realized this kind of duality and how easy it is for me to step out of living from the heart because feeling the need to protect myself or defend myself for feeling pressures and that's it's kind of a coping mechanism and i just felt it in my heart i felt my heart disconnected and i finally realized this is bringing me a lot of pain and i don't want to be stuck in this i don't want to be here any longer so i am ready to re-open and reopen my heart space to have it filled with love to have it filled with source love i'm not talking romantic love and we'll get into that too and in that moment nothing else seemed to matter the realization of wanting the connection back the connection that i felt when i was 11 to be connected and not separate from all things all people knowing that everything is oneness that everything that is separate is fully just illusion that's the feeling that i wanted to go back to and of course the paradoxes when you chase the feeling you end up creating more separation so that's where you get you know it gets a little sticky but there's ways around that as well so this physical palpable feeling that i'm talking about this ultimate feeling of love frequency the love frequency the 528 hc you can go on youtube listen your headphones and fall asleep to it or listen when you're studying or going about your day you know when i was 11 the modern internet wasn't really what it is now so i didn't have youtube to look up i didn't have any of these things to kind of research i just had to feel them from the inside experience them and question and find teachers and i'm very very grateful for that but now we have so many resources out there and it's it's so beautiful there's so much that we can learn of course we also have to find the right ones the ones that resonate with us and that empower us and don't create a system of i have to listen to this teacher because you know then it creates a codependency but anyways going back to this heart emotion it led me to wanting to share this with you guys and understand your own experience and maybe let myself be a mirror for you my question for you is are you living in your heart are you opening up the space of your heart and when you open up that space it will have to be filled right this is just one of the laws of the universe whenever you create space it will be filled it's like the vacuum and what are you asking it to be filled with a lot of times we open up this this heart space and we are asking for romantic love and it creates this longing and it creates this void in us and it can be rather painful

what i invite you to do my loves is open up your heart and call in what your version of source is for me i'm just calling it god lately i'm comfortable with that name do i envision him as a man in the sky uh you know my younger mind did but these days i envision god as just the all-encompassing mighty universal force of benevolence because we're human it's easiest to put a face on him or a figure or a father figure to it and that's totally fine there's nothing wrong with that if it creates your connection to source the only time it gets a little sticky is when we fight over who's god is the right god or whose version or mental picture of god is the right god because that's what's going to create more separation right so making it very general terms this benevolent all-encompassing force that we are being held by we are literally in the womb of and we truly are i mean when you look up at the sky at night and you see the stars especially when we're somewhere with no light pollution and the stars are bright and shining around us it feels like we are inside like we're inside a dome or like a really beautiful cloudy day do you ever feel like you're just inside a dome instead of outside to me that feels like a womb so it's easy to envision and sink into that feeling of there is a benevolent force holding us no matter all of the chaos in the world which is absolutely going on and if we divert our focus to it too much and let our emotions sink into these low and negative and sad feelings we will start to lose our connection and we will question and we will have a lot of pain and it will take some time to come back to finding our faith and again i believe it's a necessary part of the journey to have these questions to divert from feeling connected to something higher to open space to just be human to explore this life and to decide what is my belief system when it comes to this what i want to share with you and what message i want to get across today with you is that i have done that over and over and over again i have gone through periods of being very trusting and seeing so many signals and symbols and signs and synchronicities all the s's all the ways the universe and benevolent god source can speak to me and i have truly cherished that time and been in that heart space and i have fallen i have fallen low low low into darkness and i have seen darkness i have seen addictions in my life in the life the lives of close people to me i've seen what happens when we live disconnected from source and i have lived disconnected from source and i am understanding now that ultimately it is such a painful way to live the most important thing to find is our faith there is a reason that every 12-step program has this idea of investing in a higher power because feeling disconnected from something higher and something benevolent which means loving unconditionally loving will only bring us pain and we don't need to live our lives stuck in pain we can we have a free will universe which means you have choice if you want to choose a disconnected version of life which will ultimately bring more pain or if you want to live connected to source connected to something higher and where i'm at in this moment is i want connection and that is the most important thing so how have i found connection in the past first i find connection straight to source and all of the tools books and crystals and tarot cards and angel cards and incense and different practices all of these tools are simply to help assist with you getting to a connection with a hire right so the tools are wonderful but they're also not necessary they could be a channel to get there just like church guys there's nothing wrong with church if it gets you to source the reason that our generation is not really going to church a lot of the time is because a lot of people just don't resonate with it it doesn't it's very cognitive right it's really in the brain you're listening to these words you're being shamed for having sin like you're kind of meant to be wrong before you even really understand what that means like why would i be born into original sin like that's a whole deep dark conversation that we can have but of course it's going to make people feel confused and maybe disconnected so if that's not a way or a channel for you that gets you closer to a benevolent force then i sincerely ask you to continue to look for that thing that connects you in let's do something here i want you to close your eyes and take a couple deep breaths take a couple big breaths in and exhale

let's do that again big breath in exhale it out and just take a moment to go back to an early memory of a time where you felt so connected

connected to everything around you maybe you were watching the sunset maybe you're in the water with your family and you're playing and splashing around maybe you're on the back of your mom's bike in the little baby carrier and she was pedaling in front of you

there's so many different times in your life that it could have been but as children were innately connected to that source and if you can't think of a moment you can pause this and take a few minutes and conjure up a few and if you still can't think of a moment you can make one up make up a memory yes i'm telling you to make up a memory of when you are completely connected and that's okay too because we have the ability to rewrite and rewire our mind also

so now that you have that image go into that feeling of feeling completely connected of feeling like an earth angel you are sent here all is love you're radiating the colors all around you are so beautiful so vibrant everything makes sense

just sink into that feeling a little bit deeper

and then sink into the center of your chest

feel your heart radiating out it's getting bigger and bigger and it's just filled with love it's filled with appreciation it's filled with gratitude

and there's this hopeful knowing

you can call it this subtle anticipation because when you're connected you have this feeling of anticipation of all the beautiful unfolding that's going to happen in your life so take a few moments to just conjure up those feelings let them wash over you you can place your hand over your heart

and my left you can always come back to this moment you can do this a couple times a week you can do this every day if you didn't feel a really strong connection while we did that little exercise i promise the more that you do it the more you're going to be able to tap into your heart if you didn't feel anything at first there's a couple reasons it might be just that you're not fully focused in on the exercise and it might be that you have some armoring around your heart and that's very normal in today's world we've most likely gotten our heart broken or been rejected or betrayed and felt the pain in the heart in the heart space our heart is so so so powerful and it houses so many of our emotions and i promise you my loves especially if you have recently gone through heartbreak or pain that you can absolutely get back to a space where your heart is breathing again where it's not heavy in your chest and where it's open where it's relaxed and where it's a magnet for bliss and a magnet for more joy that is always available to you it may not be instantaneous it may be instantaneous in some cases but even if you can't feel it for a while even if you can't feel it for months even if you haven't felt it for years i promise the feeling exists within you and all you have to do is commit to cultivating it again and if you don't know where to start you can always reach out to me send me an email get a hold of me and it is your birthright it is your birthright to be able to feel and live in your heart space in divine connection with all that is around you

so buddha talks a lot about the middle way and i love what he says i i love the concept of it in fact i think i'm a little bit obsessed with the concept of it and essentially what it means in a very general understanding is you never want to be too extreme because either extreme is going to bring you out of balance so this is so much about the masculine and feminine when it comes to being in heart centeredness and one of the metaphors that popped into my mind while i was having this download was the middle path between the two extremes of faith and action faith being the feminine and action being the masculine by the way we all have both energies residing in us and we typically have a dominant energy so i have lingered in my feminine for most of my life which means i have mostly had a lot of faith in this benevolent force but not necessarily taken a lot of action right the other side is the masculine and it's really beautiful if you're in relationship you might be able to see these dynamics at play whether you're in relationship with a man or a woman even in a friendship you might have these dynamics the reason why i see the faith as feminine is because the feminine energy is usually what is the receiving energy right so sitting back being in trust being in alignment and letting things come to you and flow to you the masculine is the more action oriented right that's why it's over it's outward symbolism right it's reaching outward so it's closing the gap to whatever it is that you want to build right here's how they can work together when you have a vision or a big goal you have to apply the proper amount of both things to create the harmony to build the bridge to get the goal right so you begin to take action right which is more of the masculine side however things typically take a little bit longer than we plan for and that's where faith comes in because we're taking action we're taking action and we might not see the fruits of our labor yet in fact it might take a long time and we might start to dwindle and dwell in the space of void and question and again that's when we apply our faith and we really get to decide how strong or get to see how strong our faith actually is in that space of the dark so when we intertwine both of these energies we can come to a beautiful balance of heart centered living and that's where we can become creators that's where we can bring an idea that we had in our head into reality it takes both masculine and feminine it takes both action and faith to create something and i'm at the point where does anything else matter if you're not living from your heart because when you're living in a state of not heart based you're living from disconnection your perception is going to be that veil right so that means everything that you perceive is going to be from a space of disconnection and that's why it becomes extremely painful if you stay there too long and then going into the heart and seeing and receiving the world from a space of heart based of heart centeredness where you're seeing everything as one where you're having immense amounts of compassion where you're seeing yourself in the waiter you're seeing yourself as the person on the street as the other person in the grocery store wearing a mask and we find so much truth when we can see past this illusion of separateness so how do we come to a place of heart centeredness i think this is the biggest question that we probably want to cover in this episode what i can say is i sincerely encourage you to find and invest your love in a place of absolute right and that's why i keep going back to this benevolent force outside of you that is actually inside of you because we are droplets in the ocean of source that's all that we simply are we are all part of it and when you invest in this this absolute you have such an a big return on investment versus if you invest your heart space into a variable what do i mean by variable finding this love in another person is opening up your heart to variability i'm absolutely not saying not to love another person not to fall in love not to look for love i'm saying where are you going for priority where what's your gas pump right what's filling up your tank the best way to fill up your tank is going to an absolute and then wherever you go from there say you call in a beautiful relationship that is going to be icing on the cake right it's going to fill you up even more but you know that you're getting your source of energy your source of love from the highest from the absolute because at the end of the day people will let you down people will disappoint you people are human just like you and me so when we look to our partner or our parent or our best friend as our source of wholeness as our only source of happiness or fulfillment or love we are putting them above source putting them above god and that's a lot of pressure to put on a human i mean the second thing is it's simply not sustainable you're putting your divine love and faith and all of your magic into something that is variable so i want you to reroute this thinking and start to open up your connection even more to the absolute so that means every day consistently find ways even if it's just going about talking out loud as you're getting ready in the morning asking for protection asking for love finding things to appreciate writing gratitude lists again there's so many tools for this and they're all available to you it's really about trying on what fits for you the best it's just like trying on clothes right try on the different tools maybe you really like eft maybe prayer is like your main go-to maybe it's chanting maybe it's listening to some inspired source messages maybe it's even using body movement as prayer like ecstatic dance i love to somatic release like emotion release dance in my room like in the safety of my own room okay i'm not like doing it in public well maybe sometimes when i'm you know doing an ecstatic dance in a big group that's fine too but it starts just within everything starts just within so find the tools find the techniques that work for you and dive in with a heartful or if your heart's not full dive in with sincerity i really invite you to find the thing find a way back to source it's not that you ever have to find it for the first time i love you came from it you are it you just have to find a way to remember and then to reconnect and to continue to build that reconnection and to also give yourself permission to not be perfect to not always be connected to be sad that's absolutely you're right you get to be sad you get to feel disconnected and there's beauty in that too but if it's bringing you immense pain then it's time to pivot and it's time to recreate that amazing connection again it's like going to the cosmic gas station and filling up your heart like a magic you can even envision like a big um pump of energy coming down from the heavens and just like filling up the heart so there's so many so many ways to connect and there's so many ways to look at what god is what sources what the universe is and it's all up to you your family doesn't get to define it for you your friends don't get to define it i don't get to define it it's all within what feels like truth for you and this might take a lot of time to develop and know or you might already know it it's all perfect no matter where you're at in this game no matter where you're at at this stage you get to continue to develop this and you get to continue to come back to the ultimate knowingness the ultimate truth and to have that absolute connection and when you exist from that place you feel it in your heart it's a physical feeling of love in the hearts and expansion and going back to when i was 11 i can tell you that's the only way you want to live your life once you feel it once you drink from those waters that's all you want to get filled up with so may this be a reminder to you i know it was really diving right into the gold no [ __ ] that's what i hope to achieve on this podcast just going straight in for the kill these are the things that are flowing through all of us right we are all trying to get reconnected even the person who is mean or even the person who puts pressure on you maybe those people are simply just disconnected that's all it ever is that's all it ever is and nothing nothing nothing that you seek is going to be found in anything other than that ultimate living in the heart space why do we go through addictions why do we go through numbing out or scrolling constantly on the phone underneath underneath underneath that void is the longing for connection and the only way to get the connection truly truly satisfied is to build it with a benevolent force i promise there is nothing else that will get you to that ultimate state of bliss that that state you are seeking through going and hanging with friends the state you are seeking when you feel lonely or when you wish the guy would text you back or the boredom that you feel or all of the chaos of the world that's happening or the fear nothing else will appease that state except for filling it and you get to do that because we are self-sourced that means that we create that connection from within we are the ones to develop it it's not about using the tools it's not about going to church with your family on sundays it's not about my belief system is better than your belief system what creates connection is when you're doing it humbly when you're sitting in your room talking free writing talking to the higher source you don't see it on instagram you can't even necessarily feel full by hearing somebody else speak about it like in this sense like in this case where i'm talking to you but it can get you closer and it might make you remember and it might plant the seed to get you to unwind whatever is in the way of seeing that of feeling that whatever is veiling the heart and i hope to plant those seeds in this podcast because my wish for you is to wake up to the knowledge that you can live in connection that life gets to be lived from the heart that we get to see that everything is oneness everything is god everything is source and when we get this realization we can free ourselves from mental slavery bob marley has a quote emancipate yourselves from mental slavery none but yourself can free your mind he got it right many couple decades ago he's not that long gone only you can free yourself not music not drugs not any addiction that you might dive into or get caught up in not any false beliefs about if i get the top of the class or if i get to the best college or if i get the best paying job if i start my own company none of those beliefs will fulfill you in the way that you're looking for it might feel good and i encourage you to go after them and i encourage you to have goals because we are humans and we get that choice we get that right to have that experience and that also can be a way to build our faith faith in action but that will never fully appease you it will always be a temporary high so starting from now let's work on finding an absolute fix for the void i love you so much thank you for listening please send me an email or a comment or find me on instagram let me know how this podcast impacted you and any questions that you may have we'll talk again soon you are so supported you are so loved you are already whole and you are divine talk to you s